Sarah Strikes Back

With thanks to the original "Casey at the Bat: A Ballad of the Republic Sung in 1888" by Ernest Lawrence Thayer, and this article by Stephen Spruiell at National Review Online.

Sarah Strikes Back: A Ballad of the Republician Party Sung in 2008
by Ish (2008)

The outlook wasn't brilliant for candidate John McCain:
The polls down two to four points, with but two months more campaign.
Gas was sky high, the economy seemed cursed, and a hurricane on TV,
What could be worse? A sadness fell upon the delegates to the RNC.

A straggling few arrived in St. Paul in despair. The rest
Clung their Bibles and their assault rifles to their breast;
They thought, if only McCain would do something - go on the attack -
We'd spend good money, now, if the Gipper could come back.

But Rudy's speech preceded McCain's, as did also Joe Liberman's,
And the former was a RINO and the latter had few fans;
So upon the conservative base, a grim malaise did fall,
For there seemed but little chance that McCain could win at all.

But Rudy brought the fire, to the wonderment of all,
And Joe, the much despised, tore the roof off of the hall;
And when the dust had lifted, and the party realized what they'd heard
It was okay to be conservative! The Democrats were absurd!

Then from 20,000 throats and more there rose a lusty yell;
It rumbled through the foundation, it rattled the Xcel;
It escaped the Twin Cities, rolled across the pairie sage,
For Sarah, mighty Sarah, was advancing to the stage.

There was ease in Sarah's manner as she steppedinto her place
There was pride in Sarah's bearing and a smile on Sarah's face.
And as she stood smiling, the cheers lasted for an age,
No stranger in the crowd could doubt 'twas Sarah on the stage.

The Media'seyes were on her, and they commented on her skirt;
Five thousand liberal bloggers bemoaned her choice of shirt.
Yet while the DailyKos kids oozed venom from their fingertips,
Defiance gleamed in Sarah's eye, but only kind words crossed her lips.

Now again the liberal smears came roaring across the Web,
And Sarah stood queitly, while the applause began to ebb.
"Scandal!" cried the blogosphere, "Teh Downs Baby ain't her kid!!!1!"
"That ain't my style," said Sarah. "Strike one," the MSM empire said.

From the right-wing web, and on talk radio, there went up a muffled call,
But the mainstream media picked up the story, and ran with the slimy ball,
"Kill him! Kill the media empire!" shouted someone on in stands;
And it's likely they'd a-killed `em had not Sarah stayed their hands.

With a smile of Christian charity, Sarah's great wisdom shown;
She stilled the rising tumult; she bade the convention go on;
She introduced us to her family, and once more the rumors flew;
But Sarah still ignored them, and the empire said, "Strike two."

"Preggers!!!1!" cried the maddened Kos-ites, "Bristol iz unwed!!!1!";
But one kind word from Sarah and the rumor was squashed dead.
Then they saw her face grow stern and cold, the saw Sarah set her jaw,
And they knew that her speech would fill them all with awe.

The humor is gone from the lib blogosphere, their keyboards clenched in hate;
Ready with cruel violence to heap scorn on the Governor of the Klondike State.
And now the convention falls silent, on the edge of their seats,
When the air is shattered by the force of Sarah's speech!

Oh, somewhere in the Blue States the Libs still whine and mope;
They still want "Change" somewhere, and somewhere they still want "Hope,"
And somewhere they still love Barrack, somewhere they say he'll come back.
But there is no joy in Mediaville - mighty Sarah has struck back.